Our relationships allow us to become more than we could ever be alone.
COUPLE COUNSELING PORTLAND OR
Our stories are the data of our soul; our truth of how we believe them is constantly updating. We change and heal through relationship with one another.
Our brains are genetically hard-wired for attachment and we learn about ourselves through our relationship with others. All of our close relationships are a reflection of us and how we initially attached in life. The beauty is, even if we were not connected in the healthiest way as a child, we can, in fact, change our brain patterning.
I find being in relationship to be the ultimate paradox; it feels so natural and unnatural. We all want to be connected and seen, yet we unconsciously choose relationships that ultimately repeat the same old patterns over and over. Coincidence…..I think NOT!
Old patterns can change…
Our relationships become a mirror to how we are wired and what we need to shift. Inevitably, we become one neural network, integrated, and reactive to each others nervous system. We all like to believe we choose our partner for all the right reasons, but the fact is most of what we experience is not fully conscious.
The beauty about couple counselling is the opportunity to understand each other and begin to create an understanding of why you react to each other the way you do and how to rewire and create different patterns together. In addition, you learn that what you believed is so personal, is not really about you and it is not your fault.
Whether you are new to your relationship, or stuck in patterns together, the big determining factor for success is the commitment to evolve together. I see all relationships as a source to self, through others.
My recent approach as a couple therapist has been sparked by Stan Tatkin’s Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy, PACT©. This approach utilizes contemporary neuroscience, attachment theory, and psychodynamic techniques to help couples understand how their states of arousal (autonomic nervous system) feed off of one another and how to work toward neural integration. I do believe the more we learn about how our brains work, the less we take things personally and the more compassionate we become.